BRIDGE WITHIN
THE MINDS EYE
"I felt it," I said.
The cold breeze that grazed the back of my neck like ice that brought rise to goosebumps once it touched flesh. My heart had beat in a slow rhythm, 'duh dum, duh dum,' it hurt though. It wasn't a normal beating of the heart. It was a strain ...a tear, I could feel it ripping itself apart, and breaking my ribs, one by one. I stood upon the edge of a large bridge, the bridge of my life, forever cursed to battle my demons, an internal struggle, a never-ending war for my soul. Looking up shone a bright light of the heavens, and below nothing but darkness.
I could begin to feel the tears welt up in my eyes, the stream began to flow, like an elegant river, a river that would swiftly move over stone, allowing moss to grow and feed the lively fish that dwelled within. But my river felt empty, tears are meant to be warm but I felt nothing but an empty coldness. The voices inside my head, one of my many demons that hold a place in my head, not a place I wish to visit. They told me to do many things, nothing of course to anyone but myself. I had pity for myself, I thought I was strong enough to overcome, sometimes they felt like they were winning.
When my daughter was born, it went away, I felt the flutter of butterflies within my self again, the joy and life were there. But not for long, not even a few years later, the curtains fell, a heavy burden felt like it had been weighing itself down on me. I felt like I could drown and no one would care, like a star in the sky flickering one second then gone the next.
"I felt it," I said again.
The phantoms of my pain, the ghosts of neverending torment, a twist in my nerves, an inkling of darkness that forbode itself to ever leave me be, I lost my peace, I felt it again, I… I felt alone. Lost in a world amongst people I wished to have known, but never did.
"I felt it," I said one last time. My foot reached over the edge, nothing beneath my foot, maybe what I need is a fall from grace ...a leap of faith ...what did that even mean anymore. I could feel my heart trying to escape, it pushed harder against my chest as it beat down as if it were hacking away at a tree with an axe, a fireman breaking down a door to a building in flames, just like me, I was the building and my soul burned. One small step, if I let go, would this be my leap of faith. Then, I thought I wouldn't say it again, my heart slowed down, it beat in a pace slow and steady.
"I felt it."
A grasp on my wrist, a warmth, as I tried to move forward ...I couldn't leap. Everything was dark, I had closed my eyes, to prevent my fear from the fall from stopping me, but something else held me back. The grip on my wrist, a pull on the strings that puppeteer my heart. I turned, was it an angel, had I died? I couldn't see clearly as the stream of tears worked as a lens out of focus. Then I heard the sound of love.
"Daddy," the voice of a young girl cried out.
Was it a phantom in my mind’s eye, what was real? My daughter was not here, but her grasp had felt real, almost as if she were right next to me. I stepped down. It was seconds, I could feel the wind in my face, my stomach rise to my throat, then I felt the ground beneath me. This was my leap of faith, and on the other side was the fall to the unknown, a gateway to nowhere that only ended in sadness and despair.
I dropped to my knees, they grazed as I once again fell, the rocks felt like they pierced the skin, enough for the blood to begin to leak from the wounds, punctured like a tyre, and my legs felt just as flat. In front of me stood my little girl. Her eyes looked into mine, a mirror, that’s what I felt I could see, the image of myself in the eyes of the young. As I looked into her eyes my life flashed before my eyes, single shots, a tape rolled in reverse, a remembrance of my love and time. A single tear fell from her eyes as we gazed at each other, I could feel my head hurting, but eventually finding some clarity. I wept, as she held me, embraced me and she not only showed me how to live, also reconnected the bridge that connected to my heart. Wiping away those demons that almost got a hold on me, the demons grasp failed but the grasp of my angel saved me.
END
Story by: Brodie W. Whitburn
Twitter: @BrodieWAuthor
Instagram: BrodieWhitburnAuthor
Facebook: @willwhitburn
Vero: @brodiewhitburn
Art by: Leonid Afremov
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